Beware of the Chameleon in Christian Dating

Kim Brooks, author of, How To Date and Stay Saved, and, He's Fine...But is He Saved? www.kimontheweb.com

Let Time Tell on a Person

While the Bible denotes no set timetable as far as how long a couple should date before marriage, practical wisdom tells us that the more time you spend with someone, the more you are able to get to know the other person for who they really are.

I have talked to many women who claim they didn’t marry the same person they dated, but when you ask them how long they dated before marriage their normal reply is less than six months.

After dating someone a year or longer you should have a more specific idea about the other person’s character.

True relationships, which begin with friendship as the foundation and eventually blossom into becoming each other’s best friend, take time to develop.  As the saying goes, “time will tell,” so let time tell on a person.

You need time to get to really know each other in order to pray through the relationship, collect data, be led by the Spirit, and follow peace.  You need time to see -should a situation arise where your two may not agree on something or you may be challenged – how your date responds.  Does he go into a rage?  Or is he calm and considers a matter before responding? Men, if peace is an important factor in choosing a wife, and she goes off on you and on other people seemingly at the drop of a hat, then you may want to ask yourself if this is the type of person you want to have to deal with for the rest of your life. During the relationship, you both want to obey the Word when it says,

Wherefore my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: James 1:19

…let the relationship develop naturally, and not based on your own personal timetable (somebody shoot the biological clock! Lol)  Sometimes when we do it based on our own timetable, we overlook a lot of flaws about the other person that we shouldn’t overlook because we feel like we’re trying to get to our goal of marriage by a certain age.

Don’t fall into that trap.  Like the song says, “Step back and let God do it.”

No matter how old you are right now, no matter how much you may have thought you would have been married with 2.5 kids by now, ladies, don’t get into a rush to marry the first man that comes along and says he’s saved.

Don’t view time as an enemy. Time is your friend. If a person asks to marry you now, and you ask him to wait, then more than likely if he really loves you, he isn’t going anywhere.

The following were mainly excerpts from Chapter 3 of my book, How To Date and Stay Saved.

Kim Brooks, author of, How To Date and Stay Saved, and, He's Fine...But is He Saved? www.kimontheweb.com

How To Express Love Without Sex

 

When in an dating relationship, as it progresses and
feelings grow stronger, the two involved eventually
express a desire to demonstrate, or prove their sincere
love for one another.  A lot of times it’s the man
who initiates this desire in wanting to take the relationship
to another level in the form of having sex.

However, as Christians, we are not to engage in sex before marriage,
but that doesn’t mean you can’t take your relationship to a deeper,
more intimate level in other ways.

There are many ways to express that you love someone without
having sex.  One of those ways is spending quality time with the
other person getting to know their dreams, goals, and desires and
taking and active role in helping make them come to pass.

As you spend time with the person, be sure you’re dating
to encourage dialogue and collecting data about them
(as I often say, date to collect data).  Find out where they are
now, and where they plan to be 3-5 and even 10 years from now.

If they have a certain aspiration that they’re working on right now
(for instance, if he’s starting a small business on the side) take
an active role in his vision by offering to assist in any way, even
if it’s assisting with assembling paperwork, making phone calls to
potential clients, or proofreading documents.  The more actively
involved you are not only in the other person’s life but also their
dreams (which is tied to who they are as a person) the closer
and more intimate you become with one another – without
having sex.

“I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the
swift, nor the battle to the strong…” Ecclesiastes 9:11a

Be sure and run your race together.

Kim Brooks, author of, How To Date and Stay Saved, and, He's Fine...But is He Saved? www.kimontheweb.com

Is it Your Season To Date?

Watch Video Webisode 3 as Kim talks about Christian Dating and due seasons

Kim Brooks, author of, How To Date and Stay Saved, and, He's Fine...But is He Saved? www.kimontheweb.com

Christopher ‘Play’ Martin talks about Sex, Singles, and the Church

I recently caught up with Christopher ‘Play’ Martin, 1/2 of the dynamic duo from the late 80′s and 90′s, Kid ‘n Play (Oh La Oh La Eh) and asked him about if he thinks it’s possible to ‘date and stay saved’. Since his Kid ‘n Play heyday, Play’s now an on fire believer. Check out his interesting comments below…what do you think?

On a personal note, Play is dear to my heart as he actually helped me promote my first novel on his website after I confessed to him about my fanatic love for Kid ‘n Play as a pre-teen (I was a mess ya’ll -- seriously) It’s amazing how God brings things around full circle -- Play’s now saved, working on holy hip hop and his website www.BrandNewz.com and doing it big for the kingdom -- God is Good!

Kim Brooks, author of, How To Date and Stay Saved, and, He's Fine...But is He Saved? www.kimontheweb.com